Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

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  (617): So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/bxwf
  Replies (13) Good night (2887) Bad night (799)
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  (310): View more from California

  what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?

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  (310): what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'? http://tfl.nu/9kgd
  Replies (95) Good night (2142) Bad night (3311)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.

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  (630): he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/2ce1
  Replies (24) Good night (2039) Bad night (9800)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

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  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4880) Bad night (961)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over

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  (412): Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over http://tfl.nu/fq6e
  Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (3435)
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  (408): View more from California

  Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.

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  (408): Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class. http://tfl.nu/q2vz
  Replies (12) Good night (3220) Bad night (1266)
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  (650): View more from California

  I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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  (650): I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain. http://tfl.nu/vu8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2154) Bad night (873)
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  (707): View more from California

  I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor

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  (707): I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/hlsl
  Replies (11) Good night (4640) Bad night (989)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him

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  (513): 4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him http://tfl.nu/uj7g
  Replies (3) Good night (2579) Bad night (864)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

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  (907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk
  Replies (6) Good night (1340) Bad night (652)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.

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  (337): Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday. http://tfl.nu/gphh
  Replies (1) Good night (1032) Bad night (526)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.

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  (202): Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact. http://tfl.nu/fdj2
  Replies (3) Good night (506) Bad night (374)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.

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  (480): I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it. http://tfl.nu/0k0k
  Replies (8) Good night (1014) Bad night (347)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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  (775): He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home http://tfl.nu/6g10
  Replies (6) Good night (1078) Bad night (459)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.

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  (402): He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down. http://tfl.nu/utxf
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (198)

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