You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?