My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.