i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize