Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.