You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
