I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
a search helicopter?!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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