you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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