went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
