My entire life is one complicated drinking game
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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