last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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