the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
