He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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