who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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