Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
