a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
