I didn't shave. On purpose
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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