maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
