I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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