I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So squirting runs in the family.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
