WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
