Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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