she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
