If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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