Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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