I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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