I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
