You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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