i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
