I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
