He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
