I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
