I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
