Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You smell like stripper and shame
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
