OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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