He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
