I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
