His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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