I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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