Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
