Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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