oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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