Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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