we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
