I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
