I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
