note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
