Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
