I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
