I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
