Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
