moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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