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Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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