Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
