I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
