Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
