It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
