Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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