wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
