Plan B is the new Plan A
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
