I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
