Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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