Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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