I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
