All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
someone owes me an orgasm
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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