She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
