I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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