today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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