I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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