I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
