This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
