Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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