ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
