So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
