She is in my trunk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
