Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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