I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
