Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
