I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
