We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
