Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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