i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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