Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
