I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
